Art in Life

We were talking about whether or not it was an essential feature of art that it is placed on a pedestal within an art gallery in discussion today. Some were of the opinion that art forces you to look at a representation of something in the world and allows you to contemplate it further by removing its potential for serving some purpose. The example was one of Van Gogh's paintings of a pair of shoes and the point was that we couldn't possibly try them on or anything (obviously). But some of us, myself included, felt that this contemplation that occurs when we view a painting could conceivably occur outside of the art gallery when viewing a normal pair of shoes in the corner of the room. Granted, we don't go about life contemplating the aesthetic qualities in everything we see as we travel from home to school or walk up the stairs leading to our destination. Yet it seems possible to look out upon the world as one walks and really feel the world. It's funny that one of my qualms with the Heidegger text that we have read for class was that his descriptions of our experience were quite unintelligible to me and yet as soon as I try philosophizing for myself I immediately run into the same problem and use the phrase "feel the world". I guess what I mean to say is that it seems that we have the capacity to utilize our imagination at any moment in our lives, whether we are in front of a work of art at a gallery or merely walking across the Sproul Courtyard, and extrapolate meaning out of the experiences that we have.

I don't mean to suggest that art has no value since we can just do it on our own anyway. What I do mean is that our experiences can have aesthetic qualities if we are in the right mindset. What is unique about art galleries is that they force you to look at certain objects in this aesthetic mode. Art invites and indeed demands that we view the artwork with a critical eye and opens the floor for a never-ending discussion regarding the work's meaning.

Many of us go through the motions of everyday life and seek that which gives us pleasure or increases the potential of achieving some future pleasure and sometimes forget just how amazing our experience really is. This might seem to be a cliche observation but it seems very true to me. In fact, I actually tried looking at the dusty steps of Wheeler hall as I was walking up them and glean some scintilla of aesthetic quality in them as my feet slowly raised me closer and closer to the second floor. Surely there couldn't be anything aesthetic in them. But then I started realizing that the experience of them was quite amazing because experience itself is amazing. It is amazing that the stairs show up for me, that I can navigate them so easily, even the fact that I could have gone my entire life without thinking twice about these steps. Of course, the stairs in Wheeler hall is most definitely not art. Why? Because they didn't force me to think about them, I went looking for any trace of aesthetic quality that they could show me. Also, I did not find them beautiful, in fact, I think that even I could design a more aesthetically pleasing flight of stairs. I think Professor Noe puts it quite well when he says that "art is something we do." I am starting to feel that art was never in the objects that we see in the galleries but is in the effect it produces in us.

Maybe I'll try expanding this post in the future but for now I should really get to writing my legal studies paper.

The Competition Within My Soul

Recently, I've been reevaluating the direction I am taking in life. I've been so entrenched in the thought of medical school that I haven't really had the time to pause and think about why I'm doing it. When I actually think back to when I was applying to college, I didn't really think twice when putting "Biology" down as my major at each school. It wasn't as if I was particularly good at the subject in high school or anything, and I must admit that I didn't know that it would determine which college within the university one was admitted to. Now this fact is just something I laugh with friends about as we talk about our senior years in high school. Unfortunately, this seed of apathy has led to one and a half years of following in the footsteps of other pre-medical students.

"What are you taking next semester?"

"What are you doing to fulfill the English requirement?"

"What are you..."

The list goes on and on. I'd like to pause for a second and try to reevaluate my decisions thus far in college and, through the writing of this post, maybe come to some conclusion about whether or not I really should be continuing to pursue this route.

When I examine my motivations honestly, I think I'm going to have to admit that I was drawn to medicine as a profession because of the stability, respect and (eventual) income doctors eventually earn. A nagging voice in my head never ceases to tell me that these aren't the right reasons to be pursuing this profession. Am I really only self-interested, using my potential profession as a means to show the world that I am really a good, altruistic person who will sacrifice his own pleasures for the health of his community? I hope not. I do care about others and I am certain that I would make a good doctor. But the real question I think I should be asking myself is whether I am willing to sacrifice countless hours of sleep, four more years of schooling, and massive debt to serve the community I eventually end up in. Will I have time for my other interests? The hedonist within me is constantly trying to overcome my pride.

Of course, I've gained much appreciation for the subjects I've taken - organic chemistry in particular - and the thought of myself as being able to utilize my knowledge practically is extremely appealing. The thought of going to graduate school has been surfacing recently - admittedly, partially due to paternal influence - and when I really stop myself to think about it, it doesn't seem like that bad of an option. I've never really given it much serious thought because I had assumed that I would be applying to as many medical schools as my monetary situation would allow. Doing relevant research would be extremely fulfilling, though I have doubts as to whether I am creative and meticulous enough to be successful. I love going into lab and helping out, but I always get the feeling that I don't really know what I'm doing. This might be because I have not really devoted enough time to my lab experience to understand the overall picture of what we're trying to accomplish.

Sometimes I feel like if I really wanted to do research, I should have taken more challenging courses, or majored in some sort of engineering. One year after taking a course here I will have forgotten most of the material I studied so hard to retain for a three hour final. I think being a scientist really entails integrating everything from physics, chemistry and biology and using this knowledge to conduct unbiased research. However, I find that I easily fall into the trap of "going through the motions" and learning things just well enough to complete whatever task we're doing in lab for that day.

People always say "you gotta do what you love" and that in this way you'll "never have to work a day in your life". This is indeed sage advice, but I think I fear doing what I truly love - teaching - because the fiscal reward is not great enough. Actually, it might just be my pride that is holding me back. I like to think that I can keep up with everyone else, intellectually and this drives me toward careers that society deems most respectable. Am I capable of sacrificing a career that might make me most happy for one that will provide more financial reward in the long run so that it will be easier to take care of my family? My mom needs to retire soon and I need to be able to start providing for the both of us. Should I really do what makes me happy or is there a point where responsibility to one's family takes precedence over my individual happiness?

People also say I worry too much. Maybe I'm just not very good at living in the moment. Everything will work itself out, they say. This sounds a little too deterministic to me. I like to think that I'll make everything work itself out.

Time is quite unyielding. It seems to be accelerating to the point where I will have to make the crucial post-baccalaureate decision. Medical school? Pharmacy school? Law school? Graduate school? No more school? Whatever I'm doing I think I need to figure it out quick. Do I want to do what I love and thereby be the happiest in the short run? Or is there a profession that will make me happier in the long run?

Unfortunately I'll have no guarantee of future success if I continue thinking about this instead of doing some studying for MCB 102... It's been another unproductive weekend for me. Still quite lost, but I suppose I'll figure it out eventually.

Research?

I've been thinking about how we form, store and recall our memories recently. Don't know where to begin in designing experiments though. I had thought that neurons could undergo mitosis, but wikipedia says they don't. This is my attempt at writing down thoughts so that I don't lose them. Apparently, some neurons are continuously replaced throughout one's lifetime though I need to read up on this a little bit more. I wonder if there is a physical cause for a sudden loss of memory. Could memory be tied to the structure and connectivity of the neurons in our brains? No idea. Need to read more and jot down something more than speculation someday.

Made some polyacrylamide gels today to seed neural progenitor cells on. Still remember most of the steps. Being away for a month in Texas had me worried that I might forget a lot. Starting to get excited about the opportunities for research that I have, but I keep getting bogged down by the biology course that I'm taking in which I am determined to do well in.